I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
