take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
