garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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