i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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