TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
