I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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