Duck Duck Cougar?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
