Your mouth is God's brothel.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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