Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
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You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
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Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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