hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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