remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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