i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
