Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
