Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It's blow job season.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
