I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize
