Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize