What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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