I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You were trust falling into bushes
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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