I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
