I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
