I'd wear matching sweaters with you
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
