i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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