you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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