dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize