Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
