You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
