you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
