his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
