Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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