I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
