I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
FUCK WHALES
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
