Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
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you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
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When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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