I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
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I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
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