he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
