um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
