i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
