If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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