She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
