I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
