This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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