Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
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thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
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That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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