Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
