You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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