so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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