If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
