Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
