Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
