She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
