He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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