There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
