im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
