eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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