3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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