if i can run in heels then i can drive
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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