So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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