Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
