We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
