Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
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I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
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I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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