You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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