you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize