franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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