he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
